Blue June :(

Last year, my mother died on our wedding anniversary, June 12.

This year, within the two weeks preceding our anniversary:

• Israel faced a major international crisis as a result of the Gaza flotilla fiasco;
• I observed my mother's first yahrzeit (anniversary of death, according to the Jewish calendar);
• We found out that a relative, disabled and unemployed for over a decade, is in even worse financial shape than we'd thought--a request for monetary assistance seems more and more likely;
• My husband underwent hernia surgery;
• My Israeli brother e-mailed the news that our father was hospitalized with pneumonia, and suggested that we three American siblings start writing eulogies;
• My husband observed his mother's yahrzeit. (June 12, 2011 correction: My husband's mother's yahrzeit is after my mother's, not before.)
  

The good news is that, according to yesterday's e-mail update from Israel, my father's doing much better. But I can't help remembering that my mother was never really well again after she was hospitalized with pneumonia, and died about six months later.

So here I am, just recently out of aveilut (my year of mourning). I'm listening to my CDs again, and am eagerly awaiting my first opportunity in over a year to go to a live concert . But I'm almost afraid to enjoy myself.

For openers, given my father's health, I just don't know how long it will be before I have to say Kaddish again. Nor do I know whether, having finally sent our son off to graduate school, where he's almost entirely self-supporting, we might have to subsidize yet another relative's income, this time probably for the rest of our lives.

So please excuse me for having the blues.